Making Plans

I have plans. I have big plans. I always have big plans, but this time they are quite structured, and I am terribly excited about these plans because they mean tremendous and positive change. They aren’t dreamy and distant, these plans are real and very present. They are happening. They are beginning to happen RIGHT NOW.

But with these plans – and this change – comes a sense of apprehension. It’s normal, this apprehension, because there is the possibility of failure. I do not like failure. I have been uncomfortable with change all of my life, just like most people in the world. Change is hard, they say (correctly). And fear of failure is such a life-manipulator. How I handle this period of transition is going to speak of my character, of this I am certain.

My biggest fear right now is telling the people whose lives will also be impacted by this change. Moments like this make me realize how much we truly effect one another. My very personal decisions will alter the course of the lives of others. This change in my life will necessitate change for other actual human beings, and that is a burden that is difficult to ignore. What’s best for me is, without a doubt, going to effect a whole bunch of other people.

The truth of the matter is that I have always carved my path based on how I felt it would least disturb those around me. I have been quiet. I have tried to always be kind. I have stepped ever-so-carefully through my days so as not to piss anyone off or “upset the applecart.”

Now, though, it has become absolutely, 100% necessary to upset the applecart. As a warning: do take shelter.

But please watch. This should get interesting.


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